I'm not doing so well having my life in a standstill like this. I need some purpose for being here. I am having a very, very hard time with that.
So I moved to California. What's next? God I wish I knew.
I feel like I'm going to burst into tears. I don't want to be alone out here. I don't know how people start all over. It's so hard.
This has surely turned into one gloomy day. Sometimes I wonder why I keep a journal. Just a reminder of how upset and alone I am? Really, I don't know.
I have never been homesick like this in my entire life. Not when I moved to Boston, not when I moved to my fathers. I can't keep a smile on my face for the life of me.
There is some sort of magic in the idea of following your dreams. As if the thought glitters and sparkles in your head. That's exactly how the idea of this move appeared to me. It danced around with this feeling of excitement and freedom. But now I'm here and that's all gone.
So then what is my dream? I made it here but now what? Was that really ever the goal I was after, just to move? No matter what I do or where I go, I continuously feel like I am not getting enough out of my life. I'm just not happy.
School was the second half of my dream. It was to come to California and study. Maybe I am just overwhelming myself right now; trying to tackle it all at once. Then again, we live in a society that is so pressured to be on the go, checking off to-do lists and progressing our self worth - whatever it may be.
What's the point in even writing.
So I moved to California. What's next? God I wish I knew.
I feel like I'm going to burst into tears. I don't want to be alone out here. I don't know how people start all over. It's so hard.
This has surely turned into one gloomy day. Sometimes I wonder why I keep a journal. Just a reminder of how upset and alone I am? Really, I don't know.
I have never been homesick like this in my entire life. Not when I moved to Boston, not when I moved to my fathers. I can't keep a smile on my face for the life of me.
There is some sort of magic in the idea of following your dreams. As if the thought glitters and sparkles in your head. That's exactly how the idea of this move appeared to me. It danced around with this feeling of excitement and freedom. But now I'm here and that's all gone.
So then what is my dream? I made it here but now what? Was that really ever the goal I was after, just to move? No matter what I do or where I go, I continuously feel like I am not getting enough out of my life. I'm just not happy.
School was the second half of my dream. It was to come to California and study. Maybe I am just overwhelming myself right now; trying to tackle it all at once. Then again, we live in a society that is so pressured to be on the go, checking off to-do lists and progressing our self worth - whatever it may be.
What's the point in even writing.
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